Work on my reputation. Mercenaries are, by far and large, despised for their tendency to, er, switch sides at the slightest bit of trouble. But there's good money to be earned when you're known for loyalty, 'specially when you've got the employer to appreciate it. Never leave a job unfinished and a commision incomplete. Staunchness is... Continue Reading →
My Top Ten New Year Resolutions!
Happy New Year to all you lovely people! May it bring you good cheer, brilliant books and more experiences worth remembering than not. If you've followed my blog, you might know by now that I love making Top Ten lists. This time, I thought I'd make a post exclusive to the New Year! Here goes:... Continue Reading →
(Top) Ten Things I would do if I were a Sentient Sword in a Fantasy Setting
Another Monday, another Top Ten List! I've been reading and thinking about magical weapons, sentient swords, talking scythes and so decided to do another one of my favourite little lists! If I get an arsehole of a wielder, I'm going to pretend that I'm just your normal, every-day magical sword. No sign of sentience from... Continue Reading →
Ten Things I would do if I were a Cave Troll!
Grumbrum live in cave. Cave pretty. Sparkle much. Really pretty! Little men come in cave! They poke Grumbrum with tiny hammers. Legs hurt. Stupid little men--dwarves. Dwarf soup delicious. Grumbrum happy. Long time come since Grumbrum have soup. Grumbrum hungry. He go out of cave. He miss cave! Little men throw wooden sticks at Grumbrum.... Continue Reading →
Ten Things a Moderately Influential Warlord does!
A moderately influential warlord is only as influential as he is capable at the task of carving up his colleagues, i.e. other warlords. This one would be one hell of a stickler for the collegial spirit; and when I say that, I mean that his belief in killing warlords in order to consume their spirit is... Continue Reading →
Ten Things an Inquisitor would do in a fantasy world filled with evil, vile, no-good things (#1 of the Crossleg’d Chronicles)
Be warned! The following Inqusitorial Scripture takes place in the world of The Unintentionally Helpful Villain and, quite possibly, of a few other entities I have written about, in this here blog. In a world filled with a host of monsters, demons and an entire Council of Darkness, Brezt Khleid, Inquisitor of the First Order,... Continue Reading →
Top Ten Things I would (NOT) do if I were a Royal Squire (#2)
Catch up on the adventures of the young Squire Roche here. You wouldn't see me excited over the prospect of becoming part of the Guild of Assassins. Just because Prince Kholin got himself into trouble doesn't mean I sho--oh, who am I kidding, if I don't go along with His Highness, he'll end up in... Continue Reading →
Ten Things I’d do if I were a royal squire
There's a few things a near-bankrupt nobleman hates more than a fourth son. I'm that son. Guess who got the boot, with only twenty pieces of silver and a letter to the royals' far-off court. That's right, this here lad. On the road, I -- displaying the uncanny luck of the Roche family -- get... Continue Reading →
If I were an occultist in a Lovecraftian world…(Ten Things, part 1)
Today's post is written in celebration of the release of the Darkest Dungeon's DLC - The Crimson Court. Brilliant game, narrated by the wonderful Wayne June (perhaps the most atmospheric narrator of Lovecraft's works). In seeking knowledge, I enrolled into that most prestigious of places for higher learning...the Miskatonic University. Though this repository of knowledge has... Continue Reading →
Ten Things I would NOT do if I were reborn as a demonic slave
Movement's difficult with so many arms. You wouldn't think it was by looking at all those naked statues of four-handed sex goddesses, but it is. It really is. I wouldn't be doing much of it at all; not properly, anyway. I WILL NOT give the fat demon lord massages. No, I do not care how... Continue Reading →