Journal Entry The Third My brother, the big-time villain. Who does he think he is, smacking me around, placing chains of iron around MY person, threatening and cajoling me! I'll find his daughter, I will. The question is...where do I begin? ... I've been in a perpetual dream prison for years. The answer is obvious... Continue Reading →
The Unintentionally Helpful Villain #17: Face-off! (Part 1 Finale!)
At last, I overcame my treacherous body-snatcher of an ex-wife! I write this in mine own hand after mine magical quill refused to watch. What madness had she concocted upon the land, upon my people, my great empire? Such questions did I ask myself as I sharpened poisonous, were-hare claws. Mine Legion of Librarians, once... Continue Reading →
The Unintentionally Helpful Villain, Volume 10 — Tamara
Diary Entry #0175 I find my Ex-Wife standing in the ruins of an ancient temple not far from the center of town. Mine Librarians have, by now, subjugated all local authorities, and have made their base unto the small library in town. 'Tis a pitiful reliquary of knowledge but it shall feed their hunger for... Continue Reading →
The Unintentionally Helpful Villain, Vol. 09 – Volunteers
Diary Entry #0170 Mine power sizzles and crackles with a terrible itch to be used. But I mustn't allow myself any distraction for the chase grows ever closer and more heated. Strange, this heat; unnatural, even. Almost does it remind me of...but no, it cannot be. Great challenges did we overcome since the foul princeling's... Continue Reading →
The Unintentionally Helpful Villain, Vol. 05: Stoned Enemies!
Diary Entry #0120 The gates are breached! Nightmares and monstrosities assail the very heart of my realm! Goblins and orcs and undead have long since desiccated and turned to ash and dust under my protective aura; alas, the front line of the Council of Darkness refuses to break under my fierce defense. Gigantic mole-like creatures have crept from... Continue Reading →
Top Ten Things I would NOT do if I were a lich
Regret my past life as a miserly old wizard. Screw that guy, he dead! No time will be spent in moral considerations, akin to (but not excluded to): “Is necromancy evil? Is angering the gods of death wise, in any world, including this one? How can my apprentices possibly be this useless, even as reanimated... Continue Reading →
The Unintentionally Helpful Villain, Vol. 3 — Education
Diary Entry #0099 My capital is under siege. Seven Dark Lords and their armies are upon me and mine, and much malice is in their hearts. Even more malice is in their sharpened blades, but that seems secondary to me. The blades are almost as tiny as the corpses of my soldiers that they’re stuck... Continue Reading →
The Unintentionally Helpful Villain, Part 01
Diary Entry #0078 Today, I took my armies to Imlarith, where I challenged the High Elven King to singular combat. Although I was fully prepared for his refusal, the gleefulness with which he did accept my challenge did stagger me back for a moment. Long did our glorious combat last, and much did happen as... Continue Reading →
Top Ten Things I would do if I were an Evil Fantasy Overlord
1. I would make myself a trinket, nice and pretty. Nothing too flashy, nothing that draws attention. 2. I would make sure that my soldiers have all the reasons to remain loyal. To that purpose, I will pay them well, and make sure that they are happy. If that requires slaughtering a countryside filled with... Continue Reading →