The Unintentionally Helpful Villain, Vol. 05: Stoned Enemies!

Diary Entry #0120

The gates are breached! Nightmares and monstrosities assail the very heart of my realm!

Goblins and orcs and undead have long since desiccated and turned to ash and dust under my protective aura; alas, the front line of the Council of Darkness refuses to break under my fierce defense. Gigantic mole-like creatures have crept from soft–if strangely covered in green growth– soil, and cyclopi have stepped to hold against my

Damn these iron-clad fiends! They are trying to steal my thunder!

Diary Entry #0121

Someone stole my thunder. No, I’m not talking about the figurative statement of style. I mean to say, someone stole the artifact that is my thunderous…well, thunder. It’s the ambiance sound in my throne chamber.

Someone stole a sound. How can someone even do that?!

Diary Entry #0124

Since my thunder has been stolen, things have gone terribly, horribly bad. By ‘things’, I mean the war effort. Forgive me, victorious me of the future. I can scarcely get to the task of defeating the enemy with the sounds of chirping birds coming ever-so-crisp from the outside. Things could only get worse if the sun were to sh–oh. Oh no. No! It broke through! The sun broke through the thick smaug of my beautiful fortress again!


I have just received word that the molemen of the Council of Darkness have become blinded and turned on the Council’s own soldiers. The cyclopi, meanwhile, have turned to stone, and so have the trolls. I salute my stoned enemies, even as I entwine the mole-creatures with tenebrous tendrils of power and send them to shatter the stone-forms.

…This was, of course, all part of my plan. It was I who, through my inactivity, challenged this…this burning sphere of death to turn its attention upon mine lands. Difficult as this task was, I have succeeded in it; and I have proven victorious, for now.

The Council of Darkness sounds the retreat. Amongst them is someone who has stolen my thunder.

He will not reach far.


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