The Unintentionally Helpful Villain, Vol. 04 – Here Comes the Sun

Diary Entry #0110

Ten days of warring within thine splendid walls of blackness, my capital, my glorious Fulcrum. Blood – demonic and human and other, besides – clogs tiles of soulstone. Even more than is normal, in fact!

Mine annoyance knows no bounds. If only I could find the body of my esteemed generals…they would get quite the stern shaking, they would!

Alas…they dead. So dead. Perchance I have killed several of mentioned generals, myself.

On the dark side, the libraries and the children within them seem to have been swollen by the earth. Most perturbatory, even if my darkened heart sings in joy at the news. I will send a squadron of kobolds to investigate the soft soil where the libraries stood.

I have received word of one of my remaining commanders. The kobolds blew themselves up. Some newly-minted captain gave them real dynamite instead of the chocolate stuff. Poor tiny abominations…they can’t help themselves.

Well, at least they buried half the Council of Darkness’ army beneath obsidian and rubble. The best part is — they won’t ever pester me for more dynamite again!

Diary Entry #0113

The Dynamite Catastrophe of 1ADL shall remain in the memory of my various peoples for many, many years. Much obsidian did break, and even more was broken by these invaders who would end me…Do they have no respect for the work put into Fulcrum? Ten days did it take me to create, and ten more did I need until I filled it with men and women and beasts and monsters, and even with kobolds.

In hindsight, I might’ve exercised more wisdom in my choice.

Diary Entry #0114

I have spent the day and night on the frontline, fighting and collecting shards of obsidian. Well does it cut the skin of dragons, and even better does it cut their hearts.

Which I know purely out of some volumes of forgotten lore. Never would I kill these nearly extinct creatures in such a clearly unethical way…

Very well, I mustn’t lie…I killed several dragons today in revenge for mine obsidian.

Please don’t inform DEMD*.

Diary Entry #0115

A small victory at the price of a great loss. On this day I, the Dark Lord *******, have destroyed the enemy’s greatest sorcerous creations – great constructs of liquid metal, cursed to extinguish mine life. Alas, they were not up to the task.

I am distraught to say, however that to destroy them, I had to break down the great dark clouds above Fulcrum…the sun is shining down on me as I write these words, and slaughter orcs and goblins. I do believe I am getting a tan, and also, that strange organisms are spawning unto the soil.

Grass, my experts believe it to be. Food might also grow eventually, if nurtured with something else than a tincture of orc and man-blood.

I positively loathe the idea already.

(*Demons For the Ethical Murder of Dragons.)

Thank you for reading. The Dark Lord’s adventures will continue next Wednesday!