Top Ten Things I would NOT do if I were a wizened old wizard

  1. I would NOT mean to harm anyone with my illusion spells…It would just sort of happen. No one’s to blame, really.
  2. I would NOT cross bridges if I had the choice. These things are dangerous – shoddy masonry, demonic infestations, not to mention the rotting wood…I just don’t trust any of it.
  3. I would NOT mind all my students going on quests every once in a while. It’s healthy for the body, the mind…and the state of my pantry. Fattening up apprentices is a thankless task, methinks.
  4. I would NOT go out of my way to stop any wizened old nobleman from cutting down the mad monarch I’m sworn to. The mad ones always insist I do the most work. The village cleansings will simply never end…!
  5. I would NOT make a good cadre wizard in the new monarch’s army. I’d be too used to burning villagers by far, to be able to serve side by side with them. And hey, who knows how many soldierly relatives I might’ve maimed or turned to ash by that point?
  6. I would NOT be good at avenging my students’ deaths, once tragedy inevitably strikes my magical tower/magical school/magical loo.
  7. I would NOT do any cardio. There’s magical laws against that.
  8. I would NOT recover from the lack of cardio, unless I embrace dark and forbidden lore, and transform into a lich. It’s recovery, of a sort…
  9. I would definitely NOT have a tenth entry to this list, being the wizard that I am, and knowing full-well that wizards are far too lazy for their own good.

Surely by now you didn’t expect that mysterious tenth entry?

My bi-weekly Top Ten lists were originally inspired by Peter’s Evil Overlord List. Don’t know what that is? Google it, and have a laugh!

 The next installment of “Top Ten Things I would do if I were…” will be out on Monday 06/05/2017!

If you missed the last one, click here!

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